I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
