Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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