Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
