Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
