I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Bring me that man meat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
