Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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