Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
