This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
