i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
