At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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