dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
