I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
