thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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