That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
