You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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