This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
