And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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