Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sober January is a disaster.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
