Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
