help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
