Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
