Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
