Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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