am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
