Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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