If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
