Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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