his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
