Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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