like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize