I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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