i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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