Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
