halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
