I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
