He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
