now i know why i became what i already was.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
