whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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