Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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