my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
