At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
