You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
