Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
