I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
