True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
