maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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