to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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