Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
