Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
