Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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