I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
