your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
