Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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