I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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