i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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