Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
