Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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