it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
