i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
