I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize