Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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