ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
