why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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