I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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