I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
