so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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