We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
