I hope mine doesn't look like that
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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