When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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