We named our party play list daddy issues
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Randomize
