she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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