420 ftw
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
