it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think i got beer on your cat.
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