You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
