Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
