You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Enjoy the penises
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
