In the future we'll all be gay
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize