Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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